


Fallout

by IvoryCrest



Series: The Shadow & The Light [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Caleb's tired, Interlude, Introspection, M/M, Minor Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Shadowgast, Spoilers for C2Ep79, They all need a hug, small talks, they're all tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 00:41:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20826497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvoryCrest/pseuds/IvoryCrest
Summary: The Mighty Nein return to Rosohna defeated by Obann again.





	Fallout

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't how it'll happen, but hey, that's what fanfic is for.  
Have a good day/night guys <3

As they appear within the Lucid Bastion, it's quiet. They see the familiar guards tense at their arrival but relax upon recognizing them. No one says anything. They don't even move. They stay like that for five...ten...fifteen minutes before Jester brakes the silence.

"Guys... they're stronger now. What are we supposed to do? This is the second time we've messed this up."

Beau hugs her heavily sighing, "We decide what to do next. We still have a beacon to find. Essek still wanted something from us. We... keep moving."

"I think we should also let people know what happened, so they can move forward with that knowledge," Caduceus rumbled out as he began guiding them toward the exit.

While the others begin to leave, Caleb pulls out a piece of paper and writes a letter and hands it to a guard, explaining to deliver it to Essek.

"I don't think they'll take this very well. We're not very helpful in all this," Fjord shakes his head, the tick of wanting to pick at his tusks looming. "Besides, when we told them about the Laughing Hand, they didn't seem to care. They're all too busy with the Empire. What makes you think they'll listen now?"

As they step out into the street, it's relatively peaceful. While it is night, there's still roughly the same amount of people moving about. It almost seems as if they hadn't just returned from possible death moments ago. They all start heading to the Xhorhaus.

"We can message Essek in the morning," Caleb says. "I think he's had enough of us tonight. When he learns of our failure, he won't be any happier. We did not get the heart, the skull... not even Yasha."

"Not to say she's not worth saving, but why are you so adamant about it? Even if we'd gotten her, there's no telling if we could break her of that control. She'd probably have a good chance at killing us." Fjord looks to Caleb, waiting for some response.

Caleb's brow furrowed as he tried to collect the right words, but they were heavy and bitter on his tongue. He looked at everyone for a moment. Jester and Beau were both looking toward the ground, a sad look to them. Caduceus was patiently watching. Nott was staring at him dead-on.

"I know it wasn't the best idea. I know you all have your reservations about Yasha's current state of mind, but I know what it's like to be used against my will, to have my mind altered to another's whim. You ask me why I'm so adamant. No one saved me, but I can at least try to save her."

As the words slipped out, the slight taste of bile rose. He let out a shaky breath but steeled himself. Shaking his head, he starts heading opposite of the group.

"Caleb, where are you going?" Beau jogs to him, grabbing his shoulder to stop him. "You're not thinking of lea-

"No, Beauregard. I am not leaving. I just... need somewhere quiet to think. I'll meet you all back at the house later."

She squeezes his shoulder. "Yeah, ok. If Essek decides to come by, we'll find a way to let you know." Dropping her hand, Caleb continues, leaving them behind.

______________________________

He's not sure how long he walks, but he finds himself a distance from where he'd left his companions. He's drawing attention, but none more than normal. Humans are a rare sight here. He shouldn't loiter around by himself for too long. Who knows the kind he'll attract. Maybe a few curious folks, but others could mean harm. He isn't at his strongest.

Summoning Frumpkin, he keeps the fey at his neck, taking some comfort in the creature curling around him.

It's been a rough day. Not only were they banned from every Cobalt Soul library, but they also managed to make Essek angry, and even fail the task they'd been pushing for. It's been a sudden fall in such a short time. Trouble seems to come in threes.

There was no reason to leave everyone. Surely, they would've returned home and talked about what's next, but that's what they always do. They go out and complete or fail a mission, then return and report, and finally find what's there to do next. It's a constant cycle they've been trapped in since meeting really. Only, there was more downtime. There were lighter moments. There still is, but the weight of everything is getting heavier as things are piled on.

They need to find out where Yasha and her current allies are and what they are doing. Then, they still need to find the beacon within the Empire. Essek wants them to do something that's still unknown, and owe him much more now. They might as well sign their lives over to the man at this point. They're pushing their luck, and there's a fine line in the drow's temper, and they're certainly trying to cut it.

How much can they fail before they fall out of favor with the queen? They've nothing to show but their tails tucked between their legs. It's infuriating. It feels like his ambitions are growing smaller by the seconds. Just when everything seems to be coming together, he loses his hold on it again.

The Dim's Inn isn't far from here. He could rent a room and have some quiet for a while, but they didn't quite leave the place in good graces. Besides, he's alone, and anyone could start trouble, especially if ale is involved.

Instead, Caleb wanders around, looking at the city. After another twenty minutes of walking, his attention turns to a building adjacent to him. It's rather large, made of grey marble with hints of blue. Four spires stand at each corner, each holding a burning brazier. Seeing the sign, it read "Soaking Depths."

As he stands and watches the door, many leave looking relaxed and happy. A few carry what seem to be towels. It must be a bathhouse.

The last time he'd been to one was many months ago. Simpler times then. Maybe, just for a while, he could sit and soak. Maybe the water will do some good. If anything, it'll soothe his aching body.

___________________________

With a heavy sigh, Essek moves through the city, heading to a familiar, but unwanted destination. For the last hour, he's been arranging scholars to investigate this new threat that is now free, no thanks to the Light forsaken Nein.

They had bothered him to take them to the Lotusden and then dared to have him transport them to another area to the north. Everything he's done for them and nothing good has come of it. They may have returned a beacon, but their failures are proving more and more dangerous.

When he gets to the house, he doesn't bother knocking. Instead, he opens the door with a slight force, causing the pipes to clash rather than chime. He meets their house servant first. They bow their head to Essek and motions for him to follow.

He's lead upstairs and to the room furthest from the rest. The door opens, and he sees the group sitting around a table, heads down and slightly apart from each other. The monk appears to be righting a few chairs, looking to be thrown at the very least.

There's tension, and it's palpable. They've either finished some fight, or they're tensed about his arrival or both. Looking at them all it must be both.

"So, I take it the task with the heart went awry?" no one answers, and they don't bother meeting his gaze. "I have people looking into this as of now. In the future, if you learn of anything more of this, relay it to me, and I will have someone look into it myself. Is there anything you'd like to say for yourselves?"

Beau stood from her seat, finally meeting his gaze. "Yeah, we fucked up. Yeah, we didn't get the heart or skull of this fucking demon. You don't need to rub it in. This is the second time he's gotten away! We couldn't even-"

She grabs the chair she was sitting in and threw it. This time it breaks upon impact. Essek watches with a cooled expression.

"Look, we understand how serious this is," Essek looks to the half-orc, weary now not to listen too carefully to his words. "We've done this twice now and got our asses handed to us both times. No matter the plan we come up with, it never seems to work on this demon."

"All we can do is try to find him again and see what his next move is," the firbolg adds.

"Just a little longer and maybe we could've gotten him. Maybe we could've gotten Yasha," the tiefling sighs as she slightly curls in on herself.

"It's my fault. I didn't work fast enough. If I'd just gotten my mage hand there quicker, maybe we'd at least have the skull," the goblin quietly says.

"It's... It's no one's fault, Nott," the monk moves to the goblin's side. "We just didn't have time or luck on our side. If we'd gotten to Zadash quicker, maybe we could've done more, but we couldn't. We'll think of something."

"I'll need any notes you have on this demon," Essek says once the moment has passed. He watches the human as she grabs her notebook and pulls a few pages from it, and hands it to him with a cold look.

"Caleb had more than me. He did the extensive stuff." she huffs before returning to her friend's side.

Essek takes a quick look around, not spotting the man anywhere. A thought ran through his mind that was cold and chilled him through. He couldn't have... No. How would they have returned so soon? He must be apart from them not... no.

"Where is Caleb right now?" he asks, taking a breath and getting a slight look from the firbolg.

"We don't know. He split from us after we got back. He could be anywhere really," the human answers. "He probably wanted some time alone."

"I see. Well, I'm sure I will find him. Good evening." quietly he exits, leaving the house and heading back into the city.

___________________________

A few slides of silver and a short walk down a hall, he finds the bath he's rented. The dressing area is rather nice. A nice bench with space for hanging clothes and setting any items down. A few plants are about. A mural of the Luxon is on the wall. It almost seems to pulse with light as the actual piece.

The bath is relatively large. The far wall has a waterfall where the water seeps into the bath. Some foliage grows along the top, hanging down. Four main points of light hovering above. They look crystal in nature, but unsculpted in a raw form. The faintest bit of steam rises from the water now and then, but nothing is showing it's scalding.

Off to the side, a platter of fruit sits, freshly cut along with some wine. He should've brought the others. They would've liked this. Well, Nott would've stayed out, but she could've at least kept him company.

Right now they're either trying to decide what to do or just quietly sitting amongst each other. If Essek received his note, they might even be talking with him. It's night so he should be asleep for a few hours. He envies the drow for needing so little sleep.

Locking the door, he begins to pull off his coat, laying it on the bench. He sits and pulls off his boots, the mud already dried on the bottom and along the sides. He takes ten minutes and sets an alarm at the door before completely undressing.

He takes his books and sets them just a couple of feet from the bath. Slowly, he lowers himself into the water, groaning as it seeps into his skin, hitting the aches and pains just right. Frumpkin leaps onto the top of a shelf and gets comfortable, facing the door.

Caleb pulls his hair free from the tie, letting it fall to his shoulders. The release in the small pressure is nice. Taking a breath, he lowers himself completely, moving to the center of the bath and keeping himself under.

He stays there for a few minutes until his lungs slightly burn and he's forced to come up for air. Throwing his hair back, he moves back to the edge of the bath and sits, resting his head against the stone.

Fifteen minutes and forty seconds later, the alarm rings in his head. Quickly he shifts his vision into Frumpkin, seeing an attendant opening the door. She steps aside, and Essek moves in, the door closing behind him.

That didn't take long.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" his voice sounds strange in his familiar's senses. It seems detached as if it weren't him speaking. "I'm sure you're not here to join me."

Essek looks toward Frumpkin, a faint smirk failing to take hold before his expression neutralizes itself. He drifts closer and sits on the bench, only stares at the back of Caleb's head.

"Your friends said you'd separated after returning. Are you well?"

"We're all alive despite dealing with the Laughing Hand again. No one was killed by luck. However, we weren't able to achieve our goal, any of them. I apologize for abusing your magic. I apologize for failing the Queen for failing you."

"Failure is hard and unwanted, but necessary. We would never grow if success were guaranteed. It shows us our faults and mistakes so that we may correct them if we so choose to. I will accept your apology, but only if you answer the question I had asked and look at me when you answer. Are _you_ well?"

Frumpkin leaps down from the shelf and trots by Essek before stopping at the edge of the bath and swatting Caleb with his tail. In turn, Caleb moves to where he's facing Essek, but he doesn't meet his eyes yet. Instead, he runs his hand through the familiar's fur, trying to avoid the question as long as possible.

Essek knows patience. It's what he does when he listens for his Queen to speak. It's what he does when he waits for a new order or information. It's what he does when he deals with the Nein. They test that patients each time they return here. However, he will keep that patience. He will wait until Caleb speaks. He has time right now. He made time after all.

The minutes pass, and Essek's gaze drifts to the subtle steam that rises from the water to the waterfall to the wall. It's quiet in here, serene. It's almost as if a war isn't looming to the north and there isn't a fanatic demon running around raising horrid beings. It's been a while since he's just stopped like this. It's almost like he's just another person.

His eyes shift back to the human. His familiar trots away, stealing what appears to be an apple slice from the platter before retreating to his perch. Blue eyes meet him before focusing on something passed Essek.

"I am alive, but I'm defeated. I am angry that this Obann has escaped twice and bested _me_ twice. If I were smarter if I had been stronger, perhaps things would be different. I've grown stronger, but it's not enough, it's never enough. There's always something more, something I've missed. It gnaws at my mind every second, and it mocks me like a shadow. I am not well. I am not anything."

Exhaling a breath he'd been holding, Caleb turns back around, sinking a bit further into the water. He hopes the drow will leave him be.

A bit irritated Essek stands from the bench and moves to another, one far closer to Caleb and sits. He waits for some reaction if he's going to be asked to leave the room, but nothing comes.

It takes a moment to collect the right words — some automated responses but others genuine from his view and understanding.

"Caleb," his voice comes out much softer than he'd expect it to, but continues. "I'm not sure where all this self-deprecation comes from, but I'm sure you are more than nothing. You are a human from the Empire, with direct ties to the Assembly no less. In any other case, you would be dead, hanging from the gallows. I've seen you grow in the short time we've been acquainted. It's remarkable you and your friends. Not many could accomplish such a feat in so little time."

Caleb raises a little from the water but still doesn't turn to Essek. "Yet, it all pales in comparison to what I've done before this. For as much as I travel and grow, I have a hard time moving on. It's the biggest fault I may have. I let my past anchor me. I shouldn't, but I do."

"Well, only you can change that. No words or comfort from another will make the final decision for you. May I ask what about the past you are speaking of?"

Caleb runs his hand over his face, shaking his head. "No, you can't. Maybe in the future, but not now." Essek nods accepting the answer. At least there's a possibility. "May I ask what this new failure bodes for the Mighty Nein?"

"I've sent word to the Queen. She'll no doubt call for all of you soon enough. If it isn't good, I can... try to lessen the blow."

Leaning back, Caleb stares at the ceiling, then looks to Essek, holding his gaze this time. "No, you've done far more than necessary. If we lose her favor, it's fine. We'll work around it somehow. We can find somewhere else to stay and move on from there."

Essek smiles. "Well, even if it should happen, you still have your home. It was a gift from my den, after all. I'll make sure of it."

"Thank you, Essek, really," the tension bleeds away from the moment. "Now, will you be joining me, or is there something else you need to be doing?"

Caleb watches and swears he sees the fixed posture of the shadowhand break for a split second before correcting himself.

"I could have a glass of wine before returning to my work."


End file.
